Helping Children Cope

When someone close to your child dies it is natural to want to “protect” him from any pain. However, teaching children to deal with grief before someone close to them dies may be a better approach. The pediatricians at Boys Town Pediatrics offer several suggestions for helping your child prepare for the likelihood of important loss in childhood:

• Use animals to teach about death − Explain to a preschooler about the dead animal on the side of the road. Encourage school age children to discuss their feelings about death after dissecting a frog in biology class. Watch a television program together that depicts the birth and death of animals, and then answer your child’s questions.
• Explain what happens when a person dies − Explaining to your children what happens when a person dies can help them understand more about death. Explain that the heart stops beating, the lungs stop taking in air, and the body has died.
• Don’t use euphemisms − Young children do not understand what terms such as passed away, expired, or gone away mean and often think of death as temporary. Instead, be honest and explain to them that Grandma has died and will not be coming back.

Talking About Their Pain

One of the best ways parents can help a child talk about his or her grief is by modeling their own behavior for their child. When you cry, offer an explanation for why you are crying. You may say, “Crying helps me feel better because I really miss Grandma. I might cry again tomorrow when I see something that reminds me of her, but that’s okay.”

Encourage your children to talk about their grief. Other suggestions for helping your child work through grief include:

• Seeking the help of counselors when needed.
• Communicating with teachers, principals, and school counselors so they are aware of the death, your child’s progress, problems, etc.
• Encouraging expression of feelings.
• Joining a support group.
• Encouraging the child to become involved in sports to release stress.
• Finding healthy ways to remember the loved one who has died (i.e., look at photographs, share funny memories, draw pictures).
• Developing special traditions in the loved one’s memory (i.e., give your child a special present from the loved one, plan special activities once or twice a year in memory of the loved one).
• Finding extra ways to spend time with your children.

Providing a Sense of Security