Terrible Two's: Understanding the Temper Tantrums - Parenting Tips

We have all heard of the terrible two’s. The time when children bite, hit, scream and cry for attention. This childhood phase is difficult for parents, but it is also a hard time for children. Before age 2 until about 3 years of age, a child is gaining his own independence. He wants to make his own decisions and because of his limited vocabulary (about 50 words), he is often unable to make his demands clear. Often a child will turn his frustration into a temper tantrum of anger and tears because he is unable to effectively communicate with his parents.

Boys Town Pediatrics offers parents a few tips to help children alleviate some of the language barriers by:

Making sure your child is not acting up because he is tired, hungry or uncomfortable.
Establishing a routine for meals, naps and bedtime—and stick with it.
Giving your child control over minor choices, such as offering healthy options for a snack.
Paying attention to what might set off your child’s temper.
Keeping items that are off-limits, out of sight and out of reach to avoid a struggle.

It is important for parents to remember that a temper tantrum is your child’s way of getting attention. No matter what causes the burst of frustration, parents must follow three key rules:

Always keep your cool. Temper tantrums can be scary for children because they do not have control over their emotions. When parents lash out or yell—they also appear to have lost control, making the situation more stressful for the child.

Do NOT give in to tantrums. You will only be teaching your child that this behavior will allow him to get what he wants.

Talk it over. Once your child has calmed down, explain why her behavior was not appropriate. Acknowledge her frustration and ask her to explain to you what she wanted. Let your child know that putting her feelings into words will produce better results.

If the tantrum escalades to screaming, throwing or hitting others, remove your child at once and go to a quiet, safe place like a bedroom. Tell your child why he received a ‘time out’ or had to leave the room, “Because you threw the Lego at your brother.” If you are in a public place, be ready to leave with your child if he cannot calm himself down.

When to seek help

If your child’s temper tantrums increase in frequency or intensity or are self-injurious, harmful to others or show signs of depression, consult with your child’s physician. Temper tantrums are common for boys and girls, aged 18 months to 3 years, because of the language barrier. By age 3, parents should see a reduced number of tantrums. If your child is having routine tantrums at 3 and 4 years of age, you may want to seek help.